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Last weekend, I hit a wall. The combination of the pandemic stress, my mom’s increasing needs, and my own struggle to keep connected with my children and husband in the midst of our busy and strained schedules, collided into me like a train, and I was knocked completely over. My fatigue, which is always looming, enveloped me. I was down and wanted to stay there…and sleep. The anxiety, which comes and goes with the daily uncertainties of life, parenting, and caregiving, welled up inside me until I could no longer contain it. More than just that overwhelmed feeling that I sometimes get that abates with some yoga or a good night’s sleep, this was a pervasive, full-body reaction to what I have been trying to just “get through” for the last several months. I burned out.

Days later, with a couple of good night’s sleep and some perspective, I am still burned out. I recognize that I have been allowing my circumstances, which I cannot always control, have begun to control me. I have been here before. Tossed by the changing winds of my circumstances, the mood pendulum going to extremes as I grasp for a sense of control, or really, if I am honest, stillness. I just want the crazy to stop. I want certainty. I want a plan. I want an easy button. And, I want someone to take care of me.

When you are called to care for others, parents, children, friends, students, clients, it is easy to forget that you are a person too. And, when we are so invested in the care of others, it is easy to be burned out on caring for ourselves. At the end of the day, there is nothing left. Honestly, sometimes there’s nothing left by 3pm.

But here’s the thing. When we put caring for ourselves first, we have more to give…others and the world in which we live. So, this week, I decided to place myself at the top of my list. Sure, I cannot stop caring for my kids or my mom, but there are many other things I can move off my plate. So I did. I took some time off work so that I could go see my doctors, spend more time in prayer and in journaling, and I scheduled an appointment with a counselor. Why? Because, self-care needs to happen even when I am working, even when I have a lot on my plate, I can’t control my outward circumstances. Self-care needs to happen BECAUSE of all of these things.

Another thing I am going to do is ask for the care I need from my family. I tend to shut down and pretend I can do it all, “I’m fine,” I say. But I am not fine and those around me won’t know it unless I am honest. Learning to speak up for myself is probably the hardest thing I will do this week, but I will still do it. Taking care of myself and asking for others to help me is the key to moving toward healing, wholeness, and a healthy mindset to sustain me.

In what areas of caring for yourself do you need to ask for help? Who can you ask to support and encourage you? I am here to cheer you on in your quest to take care of yourself so that you can live a full and caring life with others. You are not alone!

graphic of male wrist with a smart watch with an overlay text

Recently I posted an image on my Instagram that got a lot of traction. In part, it said, “I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need to close your rings every day. You know your body better than your watch does, listen to it. Sure, it is rewarding to see progress, to get the rewards, but let us not be fooled into ignoring the deeper needs of our body, our mind, and our spirit. There is work to be done every day, and much of it is not measured by watches.

I know this to be true because I have done this before. After I had my kids, I was determined to get the weight off. The articles I read, the conversations I had with other moms, and the remarks I received when I began to lose the weight only reinforced the validity of my goals. I started a rigorous exercise routine as well as eating routine. I also began to keep track of the numbers. Every article told me where to cut calories in my foods or burn more calories at the gym. I pushed more into focus on food labels and the exercise equipment calorie count. But that wasn’t the only number that I honed in on. The number on the scale was my daily measure of “good” or “bad.” A good day was calories in were less than calories out. The more significant the difference between these two numbers, the “better” I was. And the number on the scale? Well, I had a goal of achieving my postpartum weight, but once I saw that number on the scale, I began to fear losing it. I began to “hedge my bet,” so to speak, and try to creep that number below the goal, “just in case” I gained a few.

Eventually, the number on the scale and the calories in was never low enough. The calories burned were never enough. This frantic mindset is something I worked really hard to break free of for the past 14 years. I have worked hard to re-focus my fitness goals on practical goals that support life-long health and nutrition. It has become more about healing and fueling, not reward and punishment.

And yet, those rings. If I am not careful, I can let those rings pull me back to that frantic headspace, doing just one more thing to close the loop. Even if it doesn’t make sense in my day. Unfortunately, there are no rings for spending time caring for my mom, writing a blog post, or talking with my friends and family. There are no rings for self-care (other than exercise). I don’t get “points” for these things, but the point of the training is to live, love, and be a part of the human race, community, and world.

So remember, goals are great, and we need them. But your watch, your fitness app, even your Bible app, does not determine your worth. Don’t let the gamifying of goal-setting get you stuck thinking you aren’t doing a good enough job at being you.

A dear friend once gave me some wisdom that I hope will encourage you in your day-to-day journey toward health or other goals.

“If you can put your head on your pillow at the end of the day and say, ‘I did my best for today,’ then you’ve succeeded.”

Your best today may not be the same as yesterday or tomorrow, but it still counts. You don’t have to take all the steps, just the next right step. You’ve got this!